Holiday Blues – Managing Grief During the Holidays and At the Start of A New Year
- Jun 5, 2021
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 6, 2021
Tis the season for laughter, good cheer and new beginnings! Family, friends and co-workers gather to connect and celebrate the holidays. For many of us however, the holidays bring loneliness, sadness and a certain emptiness, especially if you are missing a loved one who has died. It is a feeling that something is not quite right. I call it the “missing”. Contrary to popular belief, people are not replaceable. The loved one who is gone was a part of your life, and that spot cannot be replaced with anyone or anything. You miss the conversations, the smiles and laughter, doing life together. During the holidays this “missing’ is personified as we gather together without the person who was once a huge part of our lives. This year will make my 9th holiday season without my daughter who passed away in 2010. As I look back over this journey of grieving and loss, I thought I would share some thoughts on how to survive the holidays and make the “missing” softer.
Allow yourself to grieve – Acknowledge that you miss your loved one during this time of year and give yourself grace to do so. Grief is not cookie cutter and there is NO timetable. Have yourself a good cry if you feel like it. Being true to what you feel is empowering and allows you to openly express your feelings. Avoid negative people and people who do not understand how or why you grieve. No one has to understand how you feel and don’t expect them to.
Discover your “peaceful” place!! -Find a place and/or do something that gives you peace. Participate is some grief self- care. Go for a walk, get a massage, meditate, pray, or spend time with understanding friends. Be gentle with yourself as you maneuver through the holidays.
Create a “Memory Book” – Document and share special holiday memories of your loved one. You will find that some will be joyful, some will be bittersweet, but most will make you smile! Keep a written or digital photo/video journal of memories that you can refer to throughout the years. I promise you won’t regret it.
Seek help and support – Sometimes it can just be too overwhelming –the loss and the “missing”. You do not have to handle it by yourself. Contact your counselor/therapist, local church and other organizations such as griefshare.org and compassionatefriends.org for support and resources. You can also start your own support team of other grievers who understand how you feel.
Start new Traditions – Establish a holiday tradition that honors the life of your loved one-purchasing a special ornament, volunteering, donating to a special cause, are some ways you can honor the memory of your loved one.
Be Grateful for the legacy of love – Express gratitude for the Love that you shared with your deceased loved one. The light of that love lives forever in your heart. Honor your loved one by continuing to move forward and live life to the fullest! You are their monument to the world! There is no shame in remembering or missing the life of a loved one who is no longer with us. It only means that we have felt and loved deeply.
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